I would like to one day fade away....

Dissociation is an art form that I have mastered. I disconnect from this world, my body. the only thing that remains is my mind and that is barely hanging by a thread. Is she normal? Is she mad? not even I know the answer to that question. Sanity is such a fragile thing, not extremely complex yet it remains a mystery to me. I fade in and out. Who am I today? A catatonic state is bittersweet. The writhing, the sweating and the tears. Heart beating. Mind dancing around like a ceremonial pow wow dance. I like it. scratch that I love it. Im on the brink of madness. Laughing inside, a cackle that escalates into a hysterical scream. I hate this person inside. So histrionic. indecisive. Let me go. Release this demon. exorcise me. Forgive me father for i have sinned, but should i forgive you? fuck you for giving me this cross I bear. Amen, Amen.